I haven’t slept much this last few weeks as my mind has been wandering to all the places in my own past where my own mental health wasn’t at its strongest. Wondering how this very real experience has moulded part of my child/rens experience in this world.
I am right now watching my little girl move into an experience that is very scary for her and I am reflecting on how difficult it is to be in this 24/7 for her and for us as her parents.
I am wondering how we parents ensure we are supported better to ensure that we have what we need within to be truly present to and supportive of our child/ren in need.
How can we best support them and ourselves?
What are our own limitations and blocks as parents to getting help, the right help for our children?
Are they financial, pride, shame, guilt, and or fear or all of this to some degree? Is it societal governmental and or educational?
Where I am with my own child is, I am asking what is the need for her right now? How is this serving her to have that need met? There is a deep need not being met, if there wasn’t, we wouldn’t be here. That is a fact and it is true.
As her parent, it is absolutely my soul responsibility to find ways to meet that need so she can begin to feel safe in this world again. It may be that others also come into this experience and support her in ways that I am unable and if so it then it is about dropping into our own hearts intuition to discern what is really supporting her. So that fear is not leading and heart is. Which is very difficult.
We as parents need to discover what need has not been met, where the connection to love got lost, where the trauma began in its totality and meet it full on with our hearts compassion she can begin to feel safe in this world again?
Questions that keep a parent up living with a child moving through intense experiences on a mental and emotional level are:
What did we miss? What did we do or not do as parents to contribute to this? How could I have prevented this? Could I have prevented this? Am I to blame? Is it because I too had similar issues growing up?
No one will blame the parent more than the parent themselves which is why they too need safe nourishing spaces to drop into for their own support. Yet many parents fear to reach out for so many reasons mostly a fear of judgement that they messed up. I am so open as a part of my life-work I have seen over the year is to dismantle the shame body and give secrecy no place to hide.
So here I am late into the night diving into the whys.
The big questions that arise for me.
The why and how has this passed down through my lineage unto my children?
What is this teaching us as a family?
It is hard to see its silver lining right now when my child is hurting so much.
I instead want to scream and rage against all the things in this world and inside of me that have added to this experience for her.
As parents, we must take care of our own selves and our mental health even more so if our child is hurting so we don’t allow our own internal stress to manifest into blame of the other so that we remain solid connected and strong in the face of it. As this lets our children know it is OK you can safely fall apart without the added worry we will fall apart too! There is nothing worse than an already hurting child feeling overly responsible for hurting adults.
That is not their job. It never has been. so we big people need to get our shit together and keep it together in some shape or form and if that means we too reach out and lean into the support of friends, family, groups, counsellors, coaches, energy therapist, circles, whatever that support community looks like it matters. It is most important.
If you don’t have one create one or find one.
Questions I am asking too are:
What is it that is breaking down/through for us as a family right now? What inner unresolved pain is our child reflecting back to us? Within my own family and our collective world family?
My husband recently said he can’t stand it anymore. I felt and seen this as he can’t stand what it is forcing him to look at it himself. And look he must. We all must look at ourselves and what our children are mirroring back to us if we are to truly support them through these experiences.
Because the fact is right now there has been a 21% rise in referrals in Northern Ireland over the past 3 years. Last year 10000 young people were treated in Northern Ireland for serious mental health issues. Children as young as 4 are experiencing anxiety and behavioural problems. These facts point to a huge failing in our systems of support for our young people, within our families, communities, and schools. Mental Health services are at breaking points.
Call me cynical these last years I have even played with the idea in my own heart-mind that there is some kind of agenda deliberately set about right now to dis-empower and disable a whole generation of children that have been born into this world to bring about huge waves of change before they have even had a chance to rise into their adulthood. Another huge reason we adults need to wake up and see how to support our children better.
For me as a parent moving through this intense experience right now, I am acutely aware of how much support I need not break down and check out myself. I am having to ensure I am choosing where and when to extend my energy and to choose carefully whom and what I allow into my life right now.
I find it helpful to open dialogue. For too long too many parents have hidden how hard it is for their children and families as they internalise blame, shame and fear of judgement.
I find it necessary to ask questions. So I dive into the heart body mind & spirit of the matter. This is how I am made. This is how I stay focused on my child and stay connected to this as something that is not personally attacking me right now. This is about my child yet every other child moving through similar for me right now.
I like to explore through writing/journaling. In the quiet of the night like now through journaling and reflection, I am seeing threads of connection and openings to deeper exploration as to what is happening collectively to our children in the mental etheric field and how this is impacting them on the daily. How we need to be introducing healing modalities into early childhood education, meditation, sound healing, more creative play is one way.
Then what about our energy bodies, our energetic fields, most people do not know how to connect with this, clear this, and or seal their energy fields, this needs reteaching, as we used to know and understand this so well.
Other open-ended questions with no definite answer yet are.
Is it that a generation of children have been born to have us look in the mirror and reflect us how depressed and anxious we humans are right now? Is it that they are showing up this way so we can finally break through the walls that have left us lacking in empathy and compassion for one another’s pain? Is it that our world is just too much, too intense, too extreme for their sensitive hearts, are we expecting too much too soon? If so, how do we return to balance for them so they can live and feel safe in this world?
It is clear to me that when we are in a society totally breaking down like this, it is because of this world, in our traumas, our fears, the stress of being in our bodies, in our own minds, in our thoughts has simply become too much.
So, our inner wisdom gifts us the medicine, the healing balm needed to let go. To break down and through the fear barriers to the love that has not yet been met or seen or felt. To move into our deepest distress, anxiety, fears is a brave soul choice. One that demands change if support is given and it is understood how we can better support our most vulnerable.
Is it possible that our children are clearing out their own mental and emotional energy bodies and inherited trauma from the generations before at tender young ages so that they can ripen into their power more easily and younger than the generations before them? As they finish the work generations before started and couldn’t do?
Some higher reaching perspectives I am exploring.
Are these experiences shamanic in their nature, sacred initiations of the highest order? I believe so. Is it negative attachment, old spirits attached to our children’s body/energy fields holding on and feeding off our childrens light? If so, how do we help lost souls move onto the light if they are attached in fear to their depressed states of emotions they lived through in human form?
If our children are in this how do we best support them through?
We need elders who know and understand the soul growth processes and more speaking up about it on behalf of the children. That is not afraid to challenge the model of mental health that are the norm right now. What if what we are labelling as mental illness/ dis-ease are energy clearings? What if this knowledge changed to the landscape of how we nurtured those moving through intense mental body initiations/clearings?
Are we too quick to move into fear and plaster over the wisdom of our children’s soul’s growth movement with medication? Or do some need to medication to help ease these transitions as they are so intense for some?
Speaking as a parent experiencing this with my baby it is hard not to go into fear. To not let it rule the decisions we make for our children when they are vulnerable.
What would happen if we allowed our children the safety of unravelling with non-judgement only compassion and we nurtured them only with love understanding safety and care until they felt at ease again? What I mean by this exploring, is that on some level the state of our mental body is serving us, protecting us, shielding us, clearing us on some level and that sometimes I don’t feel we have even touched on the ways we can better understand what is happening to us or our children on a mental level when we experience intense breakdown/throughs.
There are many factors to consider. As you can see, I am only a mother living in this and I have no real answers only questions, some possible theories to explore, and more questions. Nothing breaks my heart more than a world with hurting children. I may decide to spend my life exploring more so that I can better support today’s children. I just know this experience is opening something in me that is leading me on a journey inwards and upwards and outwards in unexpected ways
I am curious. What are your feelings? And thoughts on what I wrote? If any. Fair play if you got this far!
In Love & devotion always curious and wondering